Tag: running

Get down? or Get back on track?: Depression nearly got me

Posted on by laughloveandlife

Yesterday felt like the lowest of the low kind of days. I felt like it simply took EVERYTHING inside of me just to get out of bed..to keep going…to keep working towards getting T help in school…

All parts of me felt on the verge of hiding under the covers and simply going back to sleep, avoiding the challenges we have been facing for a simpler, quieter, easier kind of day.

Was I depressed? Absolutely. Is this depression…I don’t think so. But easily see how if I were to give in to that desire to stop ,it could easily be there in a heartbeat.

As a family, we’re exhausted…we’ve been working with the school board in trying to find a solution to support our son in school. It’s been incredibly draining and the amount of meetings/emails/conversations we have had about it has us living in survival mode to just get through each day. We are continuing to advocate for T and won’t stop… but its taking every piece of energy we have.

Add that to the fact that I have been injured over the summer, have hardly exercised and ballooned in weight because of it. I just hit a wall. I started seriously questioning whether I needed to consider going to see someone professionally by mid afternoon??

But then we had an Autism Meetup last night. A group we started to support Parents in the city of Toronto who want to look at different ways to manage through Autism, look to each other for support, get advice on different solutions and talk through the victories and challenges we have.

It helped. But this morning helped even more.

I decided I can’t let this get to me. I know we have to keep fighting and I need to keep energy high to take care of our life. I need to be there to support our kids as they begin the school year, my husband, who is writing the most well-articulated letters to anyone and everyone willing (or not willing) to listen and my business, that I need to keep going in order to maintain the flexible schedule we need to access therapies/resources for T throughout the day.

I decided to try to go for a run…and then someone woke up early and agreed to come for a run with me. T…agreeing to come along if he could run in his pajamas.

Sometimes we need a little reminder what we’re fighting for

We raced…full force…fast…as hard as we could…and I remembered why I started running in the first place.

Running helped me work through the diagnosis of ASD, helped me gear up for the fight and I realized that I REALLY need that element in my life to stay sane.

I might not be as fast as I was awhile back, but I’m back.

Trying to talk Teenage while crossing off my list

Posted on by laughloveandlife

So here’s the scoop…

I started my Bronze Medallion at the St. James Civic Centre in Winnipeg at age 13. I have absolutely no recollection why exactly I didn’t finish the course but life somehow got in the way and I didn’t think it was a big deal to not complete.

I promptly forgot about it for the next 17 years. But like getting my motorcycle license, it was has been on a particular list in my head for years. A TO DO I wanted to complete, something in the back of my brain about the fact that I never actually finished something I started. So when my running partner and another equally fabulous friend decided that we should go for a ‘Try Triathalon’ this summer, I somehow found the perfect training ground for the endurance swim that we would have to accomplish on the Tri circuit…AND finish something I had always meant to. Killing two birds with one stone per se.

So I signed up. But what I DIDN’T think about is that I might be a little older than the average participant in the Bronze Medallion course. Hilarity ensues at what I am now affectionately calling the Social Experiment.

I showed up the first week having no idea what exactly to expect and ran into another mom at the entrance, asking the direction to the Bronze Medallion class. I sigh with relief and say “Oh, are you taking the course too? That’s great! We can be partners!” (maybe a bit too enthusiastically). She promptly looks me up and down and says “Uhhhh nooooo, I was checking for my 11 year old son” ..11? They are seriously as young as 11? You gotta be flippin kidding me!

So I walk in to the theory part of the class and it is me and 20 11-13 year olds. I go to my mat (yes,mat…cause young people can sit on mats for 1 1/2 hrs whereas us evolved really do prefer a chair) and we are subjected to 2-18 year old instructors who truly believe that yelling at us is the most effective form of teaching (Umm, yeah: intro to management course!) We then go into the pool for the next hour and a half and have to perform varying acts of self-rescue and rescue techniques. Fabulous if you have a butt who has not experienced any form of weight gain, child birth, age in general. Not so fabulous as you have to huff out of the pool as if you are climbing out of “mock” ice break incident and thinking really…how much cheek did I just show these poor kids?

I find it a challenge to relate to these young bucks. There are some seriously hilarious conversations I have been witness to, laughing to myself MANY times throughout this adventure and wishing there was someone there I could share a snicker with. My favorite conversation so far was one of a girl asking everyone in the class where their family background was from. As she went through the line, Ukrainian, Polish, Scottish, etc…she came across a guy who indicated his background was Indian and Dutch. Her response “OMG! That is sooooo sick! (Thought sick was out by now?)  I would love to be Indian but I don’t like Indian food!” COMEON! This is the future of our youth today?

I am now in my 5th week of the course and have found a camaraderie of sorts with the girls in the class…In part because of an exchange of discussing the Hunger Games (OMG! I SO think Gale is cuter !) , part because I know a lot of answers to the quizzes when we are practicing for a theory exam. I have 4 more weeks to go and then I will have completed that elusive certification. As much as I don’t get the kids in my class, it was totally worth it. I completed a 500m endurance test today as part of the qualifications and was beyond excited to NOT be the last finishing the laps. This has been a lesson in connecting with the younger generation, age discrimination, weight discrimination, staying cool in the height of an emergency and staying focused in managing through a crisis

I am particularly proud that I will be able to pass on this “completion of starting something” with my kids and only hope they can take cues from the fact that mommy will never quit unless it’s really serious. In the meantime, get out and swim…it’s seriously one of the best forms of exercise I have ever been a part of.

Here’s to the next one…

 

Injury and Inspiration-Can I make the race?

Posted on by laughloveandlife

Mother Trucker!

It’s 2 weeks to race day and I have battled a week of sheer frustration. It started about 2 weeks ago. We were on a run and I began feeling a faint bit of anger in my leg as we went along. I was hoping it would be like other instances I’ve had of shin splints, where sometimes just running it out makes the world of difference. But this wasn’t so simple.

This pain has stayed and as we keep training, is becoming a persistent nag in my lower leg and ankle. I have cared for it with icing, elevation, epson salt baths, stretches, you name it. Give me something that you once heard might help shin splints and I will try ANYTHING at this point.

The kicker was this past Saturday. I had put on a compression ankle hold on my left foot which in some ways made it feel a ton better, but as we went along I could tell my right leg was taking the brunt of the run and started feeling the impact on that side as well. By the time we hit 17k, my running partner was well ahead and I just wanted it to be over. By the time I got to the end of the 18km, I asked her to look the other way and bawled like a little girl. Since then I have taken a break from running and have even given in to trying acupuncture for the first time. Good friends have suggested new shoes, others have suggested taping..I will try it all. I just want it to feel better.

I have done other training in the meantime, (swimming and biking throughout this week) but am cautiously planning on trying a run this evening. The weekend also brings a 21k practice run and I feel as nervous as a pre-teen at her first dance.

I’m really trying to focus on the positive belief that I will be ok but have had a few warning conversations from a number of friends/family about not pushing it. That you have to be careful at this point and straining it could cause much worse damage.

I hear that. But I also have an incredibly hard time giving up on something that I have been working towards. We even have a standing joke in our family that the “Powells aren’t quitters”! (Sidenote: This is something my husband actually said to me in the delivery room as I was in labour and about to go in for an Emergency C-Section and yes, I am still married to him…)

It’s true though. We don’t quit and really like to show examples of finishing what we started to our kids. I keep looking at running as a metaphor of what we are going through in working with Autism. Even though you come up to a wall, you have to keep going. If we don’t keep going, who’s going to advocate for my child? I am fighting through this with a determination I haven’t had in the past but I’m not stupid. If it gets too much, I will defer the race but I can’t help looking at so many people who overcome far greater obstacles and think “who am I to cry about a wimpy shin splint”?

If you ever want to feel truly motivated and inspired by what people can overcome…watch this clip of Team Hoyt. (Get the tissue)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64A_AJjj8M4&w=420&h=315]

Training…finding time in the midst of tired

Posted on by laughloveandlife

Morning with a view of the CN tower...jussssst off in the background. You see it?

I have something like a dozen half finished posts in my drafts these days. It seems that whenever I get a chance to sit down and truly concentrate on writing a post I think is worth value, it comes at a time where my eyes are getting heavy and my body is shutting down. I’m in a constant state of craving that much sought after sleep that (these days) feels a little elusive. Its not that I stay up that late, our challenge exists between the hours of 2-6am. Hours which normal sane people would be fast asleep in deep REM mode but our children have decided in this phase of familyhood, that they are prone to  getting up and acting as if its bright and sunny daytime rather than the dark cloak of night.

Like clockwork, one of them (BING! ) is awake, chatting about all sorts of gobbledy gook, not just awake but WIDE awake which (If we don’t get to them in time) might just wake up the other one. A much worse proposition. My husband and I love to dance but this dance LEFT-RIGHT-STUMBLE TO BED-GET UP–LIE DOWN WITH KID-BACK TO OUR BED-TAG OFF-REPEAT is one that we’re not as much fans as say a good foxtrot!

You might think that we have really young kids…a baby perhaps or a toddler…ummmmm no. Our kids are 4 & 6 and seem to have been leaping in and out of this phase for their entire existence. We know they can stay in bed. All sorts of threats, negotiations, deals and more though seem to get thrown out the window as soon as they say those words that breaks the heart of every parent its been said to..”Mommy…I had a nightmare…will you cuddle with me?” Ouch! Stab me right through the heart, because whether or not they really did have a bad dream, (I had many growing up) I want to be there to help comfort them when they need it.

I am not helping the matter of being tired. As I mentioned, I actually enjoyed the accomplishment of the half marathon we did last year so much that we are doing it again. May 6th is our official race day and we are now in the high teens in terms of long runs along with other short runs/training 3-4 times a week. So I am getting my exercise and training hard for this run. We also have begun training for a Try Triathalon. This is something that a) I never in a million years entertained I would be doing and b) find monsterously more appealing than say and actual Triathalon as its more likely going to be a 500m swim, 20k bike and a 5 k run. All elements I know I can handle. Its just whether I can handle them together?

A few friends have commented recently on where I have found the time or the energy. The answer is two fold.

The time…I have a really awesome partner in a husband who has come to the brilliant conclusion that when I exercise, I am a happier person…ergo, he supports me and the training schedule I am working against (and often keeps me motivated by telling me how proud he is that I am going after a goal and sticking to it). I also try to manage runs during times that don’t impact our family as much…which is why I am getting out of my cozy warm comfy bad at 5:45am to meet up with my neighbour and get in the 7k we need to do before 7am tomorrow. Yuck!

The energy…I think since I started this I have more energy overall…I am eating healthier, I am sleeping better (when the kids don’t wake us up) and I am feeling fit. But truth be told, in the confession outlet that is this blog post, I drop the ball. I have a long overdue list of phone calls to make, emails to catch up on, taxes to be done, garage sale stuff to be organized…I can go on…

But I know for me, to stay healthy and in fighting form to tackle the constant challenges we keep getting faced with, this is what I need to do. My friends know I love them and someday we will catch up (definitely over a glass of wine), the taxes will eventually get accomplished, the garage sale stuff purged…

and emails…I don’t think anyone ever catches up on emails…like ever.

Couch-1/2-Tri: Exercise is helping us combat the challenges of Autism

Posted on by laughloveandlife

As you will see in previous blog posts, I started running to get over the anger and frustrations I had in learning our son was diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum last year. I ran to let go of all the pent up furiousness and feeling of being completely helpless in  terms of negotiating what we can make happen for our little man.

I couldn’t even get close to running 3km the 1st of January last year. and then we managed through a 5k, 10k and half by October. It’s amazing what a bit of exercise and a new year can do for your fighting spirit.

I didn’t go back to the gym after our half in October. Really didn’t hit it hardly at all throughout the months of November and December, although I ate and behaved like I was still in training. Naturally, the awesome tightness I had developed from all that running went mushy and the weight quickly came back (But I did have one helluva holiday season!)

And so the new year began…full of promise and hope and realization that I will go nowhere if I don’t have a goal to work towards and friends to train with. Fortunately, I have both and my neighbour has agreed to try this one more time. But wait…we’re not just training for a half…NOOOOOO! That would be too easy. We have now decided to join another of our friends to work towards accomplishing a Try Triathalon shortly after the half. An adventure I think it borderline nutty, but one I am excited about conquering.

Getting back into the routine, the better eating habits and the training schedule has felt a bit gruelling..especially as we’ve just returned from a decadent week away skiing, are heading to the south shortly and seem to have a much higher wine consumption interest while hibernating in the dead of winter. I’m not a fan of forcing myself into a cold night either for a run or a swim, in fact it makes me cringe just thinking about it.

Now however, there is something that is pushing me to keep moving forward (aside from my pals). a) I have discovered I REALLY enjoy how I feel once I’ve worked out…getting muscles moving, being more limber, feeling healthier and b) My kids are taking notice that mommy is “doing a great job” of exercising and daddy is “kicking butt” as he ventures off to hockey. We find ourselves looking at exercise as a foundation and lifestyle we are establishing for our kids that will always include physical activity.

Family exerciseIt is so important for both kids- T, who often has a ton of extra energy at the end of the day and exercise helps tire him out in a way that his brain actually shuts down for a bit while he sleeps (You can tell the days he’s active vs not as that’s usually when he’s up at 5am and wants to chat). N, because she’s an energetic lovely little girly girl who I want to grow up in a world where a positive self-image is vital and reflects more so on being fit and healthy than anything else.

This drive for exercise is helping our family and we, as a couple, are growing stronger.  Both physically and mentally. As we combat challenges navigating the world of Autism, it truly does sometimes feel like a never-ending battle. To win..to get the most for T.. to see success, we have to be on top of our game. This is getting us there.

Come before winter. Do what you need to do now, before it’s too late

Posted on by laughloveandlife

This has been a heartbreaking season for many people dear to me. Every week it seems, we are talking with someone who has been dealt a huge loss or going through the stages of a terminally ill friend/parent/loved one as we get closer and closer to Christmas.  We try to be as supportive as we can, wishing we had those perfect words of  comfort to help the people we love but its hard to find exactly what to say.
Hearing news like this often causes reflection on your own life, thoughts of mortality of people close to you, how you are running your life and does a great job of kicking you in the ass when you need to keep perspective on what’s important. What we have realized is most essential for our happiness is spending meaningful moments with the people you love and telling them what they mean to you. No words left unsaid.
My mother in law recently went to a hospice workshop in which the speaker quoted
a line from the bible that (even though I’m not religious) has become a bit of a mantra for me as of late. He talked about losing his daughter and the importance of recognizing that life is too short. He quoted St Paul who (knowing he didn’t have much time left) wrote in a letter to Timothy ‘Make haste and come to me quickly..Come before Winter’.
This resonates with me so much as we navigate through the waters of parenting and parenting special needs in particular. I easily get caught up in feeling the need to clean the house, or organize parts of our lives but am steadily realizing that as I’m focusing so much on maintaining order in our world, I’m missing out on a ton of just having fun with my kids. (Something I am sincerely envious of my husband’s ability to do and boy! does he ever do it well!)  Taking this into consideration, instead of figuring out my to do list the other day, we randomly went to a movie at 2 in the afternoon. To say the kids got a kick out the fact that we were the only ones in the movie theatre is an understatement. That moment was FULL of giggles and joy as we sat through a personal screening of Happy Feet 2.
I am now realizing that I have put off a ton when I was stuck in corporate schlock-land and am hell bent on changing numerous parts of my life. First off, running…
I thought one half marathon was what I needed for my bucket list. That after I accomplished that I didn’t need to do it again. But I’m hooked…I’m missing the discipline of training, and feeling slumpy after having felt so fit for awhile.
I have been inspired by so many stories as of late of people who have just “done it”, “gone for it” and “proven to the world that they can…that now I am intrigued about what else I could do in exercising…My girlfriend has suggested a Try Tri and I am seriously thinking about going for it.
The second, believing in our idea and not letting ups and downs of a challenge bring you down but more focusing on what needs to happen to make a dream become a reality. That Operation Thanks, a project we have designed to say Thanks to the Canadian Forces next year is truly going to be the most epic movement of pride and nationalism, Canada has experienced since the Olympics.
The third, and this is starting to get easier…to relax a bit on the need for clean and tidy and just let go…spend the kind of quality time our kids need to thrive and focusing on what kind of moments we can make together. To help them dream as far and wide as they can and believe that they can do anything.
And if you think you need a little motivation to conquer a dream…watch this.. youtube.com/watch?v=gZ8Ttq…

1/2 marathon-No Starbucks: Having a goal can make a world of difference

Posted on by laughloveandlife

We did it! We actually did it!

At the start of this year, I couldn’t even run a km let alone 5, let alone 22 but a couple of weeks ago, we crossed the finish line in our first half marathon with a completion time of 2:12.

Who knew that actually setting a goal WITH a timeline was what it was going to take to get us there? Something I have realized along the way is that I haven’t actually put a lot of goals in front of me recently that were tangible and time-based. Lose weight, be better organized, get the admin part of my business in order, make a meal plan, eat healthier, keep that work/life balance, volunteer, speaking engagements…these have all been recent “goals” that I have put on myself that almost are destined to fail given that there is nothing attached to define the success.

So with this half-marathon under my belt, I realized that I need a training schedule similar to what I did for the run to get things in order…and maybe..not try to do EVERYTHING at the same time! I need to take ONE goal, figure out the timeline and work towards it…one step at a time. If you try to do it all, again…#majorfail…

The best line I ever heard was actually from a Weight Watchers meeting..that it’s very easy to unsucceed…It starts with a LAPSE (where you give yourself an excuse as to why you did it), then it heads to RELAPSE (where you think, well I’ll start again next week or what’s one more time) and then you head to COLLAPSE (where you start to think, I messed up so might as well give up).

So figure to keep the pressure off, I need to figure out 1-2 goals for myself WITH a timeline that I can work towards achieving over the fall and Christmas season. Think not eating all the Christmas baking before I actually give it out to friends could be a good one but would like to work to something a bit more achievement based would be better.

I was recently at the Blogher Writer’s Conference in New York where I met a lovely woman by the name of Eilyne who was at the conference to look at getting her project/blog published. She was a Starbucks addict (would head into the coffee giant 3-4 times a day) and chose to take a 100 days without Starbucks to see if she could actually do it. Well she did it…and what she found in the interim was a whole bunch of things she had been hiding from simply by heading to Starbucks. We talked about what’s next for her now that the project is done and I suggested she challenge people to see what they can do in 100 Days. 100 Days hey? 3 Months? I think I might be up for that challenge…its creating a goal and setting a time limit. I will keep you posted on what that goal might be..in the meantime, think about what you can do..maybe even in 100 Days and join myself and Eilyne in the challenge.

If you’d like to check out Eilyne’s blog, it’s here and she in real life is a super lovely person.  http://nostarbucksfor100.blogspot.com/

Competition is fierce..

Posted on by laughloveandlife

This feels true on with so many elements of my life right now. The good side of competition..My friend and I have actually managed to start running and are currently out there every few days trying to get our groove on and waiting for this fabulous running high that is so famously talked about…Instead our comments are mostly, “Oh my god, my legs feel like lead” or “are we done this round yet?”

See part of the Running Room philosophy is working your way up to your goal distance and then exceeding it so you are not dying at the end of the race. Our goal is 5k and so far we have done a number of runs at 7-1’s…which means we run 7 minutes and recover for 1. Repeat. Except now are we on 10-1’s…& that sudden jump to 10 minutes of straight running has totally kicked my ass! But here in lies the good part…my dear friend is highly competitive.. and while I didn’t think I was that much, I find that I am enjoying her need to compete as an incredible way to egg us on and keep us going (cause there is NO way in hell either of us are going to be the one to give up first!)

The dreaded 10 + 1’s weren’t as dreaded as I thought but I also am noticing that I am out of breath by the time we are finished…(I think our pace got faster and faster as neither wanted to be the “Lagger”) which is good right? They say getting your heart rate up is key to getting healthy and staying fit. Quite hilarious given that its taken me until I’m 36 to realize that perhaps healthy is something we should have been concentrating on. This has been largely motivated by feeling like we need to be an example to our kids vs. heading down to the couch and throwing on the TV/PVR. We have been witness to WAY too many kids shockingly overweight at such early ages in their lives, and are keenly aware how easily it can happen to our children. So we are bent on getting healthy.

My husband is back playing hockey, I’m doing running, the kids are in swimming and gymnastics and we have lots of plans for exercising this summer..& another part of the competition? In an effort to stay grounded through everything going on with our son, we are working hard at maintaining our relationship (we had read odds of increases of 80% on the possibility of divorce with a special needs child). So we have upped the date nights, set aside time for conversations that are painful but essential and are working together on this weight loss drive..part of that is agreeing to meet weekly for a game of Squash at lunch hour..and it our first one today was awesome! Nothing like two parents completely frustrated with “systems”, red tape and bureaucracy having the chance to WHACK a little tiny ball HARD against a wall…over and over and over again…HIGHLY recommended.