I like looking at a glass half full. I believe everything happens for a reason. I always try to stay positive within a situation.
Wish is partly why I haven’t written in a while. I didn’t want to be a disability parent who just mopes around all over the internet.
6 words.
“There’s Something Wrong with That Kid”.
Those words took down a 250 lb linebacker of a dad and a (we really don’t need to talk about my weight) pretty strong character of a mom.
It was at a hockey practice with our team and the other team we played earlier in the day. They didn’t know T had Autism. My husband was on the ice to work with T and other kids from our team to help them. T was tired and started meandering aimlessly through the practice, having a hard time staying on task and completing the necessary drills. They didn’t realize my husband was T’s dad and after watching a particularly challenging exercise, one coach made that comment to the other.
Chris, my dear husband, protector of our family, hit a complete crossroads at that point. He was proud of himself later for not slugging the guy right there on the ice and totally disappointed that he didn’t get a chance to punch him in the face. Amazing isn’t it how one phrase can stir up such intense emotion?
You see, it’s starting to show that T is different. Up until this point, we kind of flew under the radar. His outbursts of movie content, overly sensitivity when someone yelled (he actually told a hockey mom once that she needed to stop yelling at her son and that made him “VERY angry” – clenched fists and all), kissing and hugging (inappropriately) friends, parent of friends, teachers, daycare providers and his speech pathologist kind of came off as endearing and young. So much so that we were often asked if we were “sure” that T had a diagnosis of ASD.
In some ways, he is doing a 1,000 X better in terms of social. The new WiiU he got for Christmas has allowed him to engage with his friends in something that he loves to do and is proficient at so that he can provide advice to his friends and find a way for them to play together and on the same team. But he is also starting to demonstrate those tell-tale signs of Autism- he doesn’t connect with how loud he is, can’t quite gain control of physical responses and often “over does it” when excited or stimulated, he gets very upset if you get angry with anything (most recently it was a friend’s dog who he adores that was getting into trouble for eating off the table), and his friends are noticing his repetition, nonsensical statements and lack of interest in common games typical of a 6-year-old.
On the bright side, he doesn’t lie, has a laugh that is so pure and honest, you want to bottle it up and save it, and his empathy is such that he spent an entire period of hockey making sure that everyone was ok who had fallen down.
This is yet another phase we are learning about on this journey and what we have recently discovered is that it doesn’t define WHO we are but often does define HOW we are.
And part of HOW we are going to be is to always try to stay positive, and overlook the times when people are ignorant in what they say but at the same time are telling the truth. There IS something different about him.
Something awesome.
oh. I have so been there.
Aiden was different in that he was explosive- so we never flew under the radar for very long though. People were always pointing us out and commenting that there was something wrong – but it was usually something wrong with US as his parents. We weren’t parenting him right. If we would just parent him better he would be NORMAL.
Aiden wasn’t diagnosed with Autism until he was in grade 1. Up until then it was just that we sucked as parents.
Now that he is 10, almost 11, it is becoming progressively more obvious just how different he is. And that is incredibly painful. He doesn’t do a lot of the “typical” things kids with Autism do- he doesn’t flap his arms or turn in circles… instead he screams and threatens to kill himself or others. But it is still Autism.
Anyway- I know that feeling of being taken down. *hugs*
That’s the craziest part of Autism isn’t it Tara? We have often gotten the “stare” and bad parent judgement but this is the first time it hit straight to the heart because it was directed at our little guy..I can take it cause I know their wrong but dread those moments when kids and adults are going to be more hurtful.
Thanks for posting this. People don’t outrightly make that comment about my son, but I know they’re thinking it. It’s taken me so much to get past caring what other people think but, like your husband, I have those days when I want to punch someone. =) I’m intrigued by the WiiU. It sounds like you’ve found it helpful? I’d love to hear more about it if you have a second.
Yes, yes we’ve been there often too. The optimal word here I think is “try”… Some days its harder than others to be positive, but we keep trying. I try and sometimes succeed. And I also try to give myself a break on those days when staying positive feels impossible. This also speaks to the importance of educating others (and ourselves) about the awesome differences that sometimes get overlooked.