Month: May 2011

Business is Business

Posted on by laughloveandlife

I used to work for a very well known brand and had a very awesome job…but sometimes when certain perspectives are thrown in… “very awesome” is not all that great. I had plenty of privileges and access to VIP events but it also took me away from my family, required me to work many 14-16 hr days, late into the evening and impacted my personal life.

What a difference a year makes..I believe that everything happens for a reason and that reason is now perfectly clear. You see, I was in the automotive industry in the middle of the recession and was part of the many lay-offs that happened during that time. At first I was hurt, deeply heartbroken that I (after working so hard for the business) was one of the ones let go.. But I had been making noises about travelling too much and had asked to be considered for a contract position in order to have a better quality of that whole work/life balance everyone looks for.

Right as I was let go was at the height of T’s problems at daycare…he was getting more and more aggressive, that kid who bit or hit or didn’t play nicely with other children. There were a number of parents who got very adamant about not having our “bad” kid anywhere near theirs…aggressive in fact and we were devastated. So I pulled him from that daycare. Instead, we hired our babysitter for the summer to fully engage our two children and give them opportunities to grow. The change in T was instantaneous…the biting stopped, the aggression died down, everything became far more manageable….and I started my own business.

Which is kind of funny because I have also heard that raising a special needs child is like running a small business…so I guess I’m running 2 businesses..Not sure if I am running either well but hey..this is officially my learning curve. My husband will tell you that I do good work but that I am THE worst administrative business owner on the planet.While I’m not sure the planet, I am going to agree that I am pretty bad at it..

So why did this all happen this way? What if I hadn’t started my own thing? I can ONLY imagine how absolutely challenging it would be “corporately” to coordinate the necessity of the daytime appts or how taxing it would be to be travelling and try to work with my husband to manage all the scheduled requirements…having my business affords me the luxury of working when I want and when I need to but also being able to be there for our son. I am quickly becoming accustomed to the need for flexibility and learning that the “need to succeed’ can easily be tempered with the “need to provide” the best opportunities for T.

For awhile I was a terrible supplier…just couldn’t manage to get my stuff together professionally and adjust to this change in our lives. But somehow now…I’m back..and I’m changing. My viewpoint on life and business has become more about what do I need to do sustain vs what do I need to do to become a million dollar business. And shockingly for the first time in my life, that’s ok..I’m still kinda weirded out that that is ok but for now, I’m totally going with it…

Small Leaps of Success!

Posted on by laughloveandlife

I did it…I finished the 5k run in under 30 minutes! This was complete with a moment of hyperventilating and the inability to swallow by the 4th k…BUT I actually did it…!

I am more and more realizing that its about taking small victories throughout life…not giving into preconceptions of how far or how difficult it would be…JUST DOING IT…

Its not just running..its my business.. its working through the red tape when it comes to helping T get the best possible care & resources. Its so easy to get overwhelmed with life, the demands of home, being a mom, being a business owner, being an advocate, taking care of your relationships. And the simplest answer is one step at a time…

I envy all those moms who seem to have the supermom gene, capable of managing everything and still being able to e-mail at the appropriate times/bake cookies/do volunteer work. But that’s just it, they SEEM to have it all together…

Being a Supermom doesn’t need to be about being able to accomplish everything on your list. It’s more about realizing when its time to stop, spend a moment with your kids, listen to them and just be present. I much prefer focusing on being THAT kind of supermom..

FINAL RESULTS: Overall Race 345/1141 (top 30%)
Age 35-39 (top 9%)
Overall Gender Top 17%
In my age, I came in 8/94

My time: 5 K in 29:42

So as much as I am still not a fan of running, I liked it enough to commit to the 10K…Lookout!

The Big Race

Posted on by laughloveandlife

Its the night before our first 5K and I am working on my playlist for my run. I wanted something that would keep me going…remind me why I’m doing this…

I RELY on thinking about T’s fight to motivate me…it was creating enough anger inside that running became the perfect outlet to vent all that out. Except something has changed recently. I finally came to terms with the fact that my son is different and that as much as I feared the label “special needs’, the truth of the matter is, he does..(have needs that are different and specific)..and so all that anger that I had, has given way to a slightly calmer, more accepting version of myself..

Well crap…didn’t I time that wrong? In all sincerity, the last 3 months have been one of the biggest roller coaster rides we have ever been on…all we could do was focus on survival…getting through it…just getting through it. But we realized something. Survival is simply what its like to be a parent.

Regardless of T being Autistic, he’s still a little boy who, like many many other little boys his age, is in that stage that struggles to communicate what they want and when they can’t they get frustrated. He just happens to get a bit MORE frustrated and acts out physically to compensate.

And so life has changed for the better. I now realize why Autism Speaks has the 100 day tool kit, we are almost to the day since diagnosis and this is the first “bright spot” I have seen.

I head into this run, not angry…but excited about accomplishing this goal and working towards some new, healthier ones…

Looking at the Bright Side

Posted on by laughloveandlife


I didn’t want to write last week because I had hit an incredible downward spiral of sadness. I couldn’t even figure out WHAT exactly it was that was making me SO depressed…I just kept launching into teary, almost can’t breathe convulsions…an ache in my throat and in my heart so vivid that I started wondering if I was manifesting some crazy physical ailment from keeping everything inside.

You see, my intent with this blog was to help people stay positive in coming to terms with a child who has special needs. When I was searching the blogs initially, I felt like there were two kinds of bloggers…those who gave the raw straight up goods (which was causing complete anxiety  on my part) and those who kept focusing on how beautiful, bright shiny star and loved their children were…(I would kind of hope everyone feels that way but I think it was the stay SUPER positive coping mechanism)

I have seen a number of parents through various “resource” meetings we have gone to, either angry, confused, sad, or frustrated. I haven’t seen that super positive but then again we are all at the beginning of this.

The truth of the matter is, I have been through challenges in my life… and fought through them. But this experience of discovering my child has Autism, is something that caught me off guard, threw me for a loop, kicked my ass and no matter how much “fight” I have in me..obliterated all the positive for awhile. But I’m back…hiking up the hill on this journey focusing on What’s next vs. the Why..

So what caused me to totally lose it last week? Completely… confusing my husband as to why his usual bubbling wife kept falling to pieces in a heap on the floor?

I haven’t been talking to anyone about this. I didn’t know how to bring it up…

I WANTED to talk about it with my friends but didn’t want to become that friend who only ever talks about one particular piece of their life and trying to explain all the ups & downs we have gone through already…I felt ashamed to admit that I was having a hard time dealing with the term “Special Needs” (given I grew up in an environment where both my parents worked in a sector of government that supported “Mental Retardation”.)…and those Special needs kids were very different than my son. I felt like a number of my family members just didn’t want to accept it, and I don’t think I did either for awhile…

And then a beautiful friend sent me this out of the blue..

I just wanted to say that I hope you realize that you don’t have to be brave all the time. That you don’t have to put a smile onto all the shit that has happened. I know you have to deal with it and I know you will, but I hope you know that I am here for you and if you’ll let me, I will be that person that listens to all of it, all the tears and the rage and the anger. Anytime. Always. You know there is no judgment here, that is the thing I hold onto most sacredly in our friendship. I know you have to move forward, but those moments of letting it all out are part of saving your sanity and I want you to know that I totally understand. And I’m totally here. 

It was exactly what I needed to hear. Someone there to listen, no judgement, and accepting of all the stuff I needed to say. If you are overwhelmed and on this giant learning curve, remember to keep talking. It will get you past the tough and keep you focused on the positives all those great bloggers were writing about.