Its the night before our first 5K and I am working on my playlist for my run. I wanted something that would keep me going…remind me why I’m doing this…
I RELY on thinking about T’s fight to motivate me…it was creating enough anger inside that running became the perfect outlet to vent all that out. Except something has changed recently. I finally came to terms with the fact that my son is different and that as much as I feared the label “special needs’, the truth of the matter is, he does..(have needs that are different and specific)..and so all that anger that I had, has given way to a slightly calmer, more accepting version of myself..
Well crap…didn’t I time that wrong? In all sincerity, the last 3 months have been one of the biggest roller coaster rides we have ever been on…all we could do was focus on survival…getting through it…just getting through it. But we realized something. Survival is simply what its like to be a parent.
Regardless of T being Autistic, he’s still a little boy who, like many many other little boys his age, is in that stage that struggles to communicate what they want and when they can’t they get frustrated. He just happens to get a bit MORE frustrated and acts out physically to compensate.
And so life has changed for the better. I now realize why Autism Speaks has the 100 day tool kit, we are almost to the day since diagnosis and this is the first “bright spot” I have seen.
I head into this run, not angry…but excited about accomplishing this goal and working towards some new, healthier ones…
It’s the night before we are about to run our first ever half marathon. I am giddy with anticipation and slightly in awe as to how far we’ve come. As I have mentioned in past blogs, in March of this year, I couldn’t even accomplish 3k…couldn’t fathom doing 10, let alone 21km of actual running and hadn’t ever experienced the runner’s high I had fictitiously heard about from those crazy kooky friends I have who are runners.
But so much has changed this year. It’s like a light switched on in my head and things that I had repeatedly ignored as “inspirational” messages throughout my life ACTUALLY came true. Brilliant EPIC amazingly simple statements like ” You just have to start doing it” and “Just take it one step at a time” (while completely rudimentary and filled with common sense) somehow managed to bypass my thought pattern in a way that I never actually stopped and listened to those mega words of wisdom.
And then I did..one step at a time. I started with a small goal of a 5k race which we trained and ran in May of this year….huh..Not as bad as I thought. So we trained for a 10k…again, in small incremental increases of distance, it wasn’t nearly the excruciating experience I expected. When we started back & forthing on the prospect of running a Half Marathon within our first year, we were told it wasn’t possible, that we hadn’t trained enough…Well, for anyone who knows me, telling me I CAN’T DO something is the perfect way to get me to do something, if nothing more than to simply prove you wrong..
So…here I am…10 hrs away from being on the starting line and achieving a bucket list moment in my life. Ready with a refreshed & inspired outlook and working towards accomplishing this goal. Which I need to note, wouldn’t have been possible but for my dear sweet incredible husband, who has patiently endured this training regime of early morning runs, evening training practices, cross training, high protein meals, & grumpy gusses to simply provide as much support as he can.
Thank you to my family for all your support. I will keep you posted on results tomorrow!